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Post by Admin Mal on Jan 15, 2007 16:59:07 GMT 1
This thread is for jokes. <normal rules of decency apply!>
Here are some corny groaners to be getting on with. ;D
1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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Post by mucklelaalie on Jan 15, 2007 19:16:28 GMT 1
This one has been 'scientifically' proved to be the 'funniest' joke in the whole widdest world...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
It leaves me... somewhat dry.
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Post by benjiesmum on Jan 15, 2007 19:16:59 GMT 1
Heh heh... like all of those. I'm no good at jokes but I've found this one that tickled me: A policeman pulls up alongside a speeding car on the motorway. As he peers through the driver's window he is astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel is knitting. He winds his window down and yells, "PULL OVER!!" at the top of his lungs. "No," the blonde yells back. "SCARF!!!!" ;D Well I thought it was funny.
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Post by mucklelaalie on Jan 15, 2007 19:18:03 GMT 1
Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that!"
i'm veering into dangerous territory now... of being (1) not funny and (2) risk'ay'
Unfortunately... my jokes are not for repeating before 9pm
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Post by benjiesmum on Jan 15, 2007 19:39:58 GMT 1
Top best things to say if you are caught napping at your desk...."They told me at the blood bank this might happen." "Whew! I must have left the top off the liquid paper!" "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice yoga?"
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Post by mrgluss on Jan 15, 2007 20:55:34 GMT 1
My favourite joke of all time:- In the chemists:- Swedish Backpacker - I want to buy a deodorant Chemist - Aerosol or Ball? Backpacker - No I want it for me armpits ;D ;D ;D Cast political correctness to the wind and tell it in an up-and-down comedy accent - it makes all the difference. Right - I'm off to the pub before the Swedish consulate posts a complaint.
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Post by benjiesmum on Jan 15, 2007 22:04:43 GMT 1
mrgluss, you made me laugh outloud at that one. ;D ;D I must try and remember that for tomorrow!
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Post by maree on Jan 19, 2007 18:37:58 GMT 1
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butchershop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?" "Naw," replies the butcher. "It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D This really appealed to my sense o humour............I'm still giggling as I write this..........Brilliant George! ;D
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Post by Pat on Jan 19, 2007 20:51:13 GMT 1
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tracy
Peerie Magnie
that's harley
Posts: 70
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Post by tracy on Jan 20, 2007 22:08:23 GMT 1
great jokes george
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Post by Admin Mal on Jan 21, 2007 18:12:58 GMT 1
Hahaha, that's cheered me up no end. ;D Well done, everyone! George, you are a tonic. David - yes, I had similar problems trying to find a joke from my collection which was suitable for putting up!
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Post by heimdal on Jan 21, 2007 23:15:18 GMT 1
Don't take your computer to the pub, just in case this happens ;D
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Post by benjiesmum on Jan 22, 2007 6:21:40 GMT 1
Right, I've done as Paddy O'Hacker said. What a very polite chappie he is. ;D I've sent everyone I know a copy too!!! Isn't he so helpful and polite. I've been waiting ages for something like this to happen. Everybody warned me to be wary of viruses, but Paddy seems soooo helpful. ;D
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Post by Pat on Jan 22, 2007 9:30:23 GMT 1
What did Frank Sinatra say when someone asked him if he had ever kept wading birds as pets? "Egrets, I've had a few."..... ;D That's it - I'll be humming that one all day. ;D Keep them coming George
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Post by Admin Mal on Jan 22, 2007 14:13:34 GMT 1
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