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Post by MG on Feb 10, 2007 10:44:10 GMT 1
George, That Shilpa joke was sheer gallus!!!!
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Post by MG on Feb 11, 2007 13:42:09 GMT 1
;D ;D ;D ;D
A man has been marooned on a desert island for 10 years (no Geo. a woman does not appear from the sea) and one day in a dark mood he is walking along the beach kicking sand and his foot hits a bottle. He picks it up and there is a little man inside. He un-stoppers it and out pours this Genie.
"Oh, master I am so grateful you have released me after 2000 yrs I Will grant you one wish. Anything you want"
"Well Genie, I have been on this island for ten years and would like to return home in style. Can I have a Rolls Royce and a road home?"
"Master, oh ,master what you ask is too great. The nearest mainland is 900 miles away. Can you imagine the logistics and engineering that will have to go in to the construction of it? Millions and millions of tons of cement and steel and tarmac. I am sorry but you will have to wish again"
"OK, Genie. I have been on this island a long time and I have had many, many hours trying to fathom out a womans logic. Can you explain it to me?
"Would you like 2 lanes or 3 master?"
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by heimdal on Feb 14, 2007 1:54:37 GMT 1
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: ************** Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna *******************
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few quid.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went and a few days into the new year, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read: **********
Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was 4 quid missing, I think it must have been those b*****ds at the Post Office
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Post by Admin Mal on Feb 14, 2007 10:28:48 GMT 1
Good one, Heimdal! ;D
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Post by benjiesmum on Feb 17, 2007 17:41:17 GMT 1
hope this one doesnt offend any old women,,, ;D -------------------- There are no old women on this forum, George, just "age-challenged!" ;D ;D ;D ;D P.S. Try as I might, I don't get the Quasimodo joke? ?
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Post by benjiesmum on Feb 18, 2007 21:01:54 GMT 1
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Post by benjiesmum on Feb 19, 2007 15:02:58 GMT 1
Hehehehe! Aren't you doing sheds today?
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Post by benjiesmum on Feb 19, 2007 20:48:28 GMT 1
Ah, I get it - I think! Took me ages but I got there in the end. Hehehehehe!
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Post by Admin Mal on Feb 20, 2007 11:04:29 GMT 1
Heheheh....very good! ;D
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Post by MG on Feb 20, 2007 19:03:48 GMT 1
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Post by benjiesmum on Feb 21, 2007 7:49:07 GMT 1
......wonder what you will be like when you get to my age.....ald and doddery..... ;D ;D ;D ;D George, you could run rings round him, I'm sure.......(oops, he might read this!!) ;D ;D ;D ;D You still sound as though you are quite the "spring chicken" gadding about as you do.
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Post by Admin Mal on Feb 21, 2007 13:18:02 GMT 1
That's because he's inside your stupid cat. Heheheh. ;D
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Post by Admin Mal on Feb 21, 2007 13:18:45 GMT 1
He,He He, Har I've got to 50 postings!!!!!!!!!! Well done, mg!
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Post by MG on Feb 23, 2007 11:15:52 GMT 1
Nice couple of droll jokes Mally. I think you will be taking over from George with the number of jokes you are posting. Unfortunately, my supply has dried up as my repertoire of clean ones seems to be exhausted! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by mucklelaalie on Feb 23, 2007 17:30:26 GMT 1
I think the first lawyer joke sums up why i have no intention of being a lawyer, quite well in fact (you have to be driven by one of several things... money, career, status to bother with it. I fall outwith, well, all of those... seems to largely miss out a component of life called 'contented happiness'... from my perspective at least.) The second one... isn't that how everybody talks... hang on *ponders just how badly his law degree is corrupting his head... can't objectively perceive, lost in own subjective sub-conscience* I'm looking forward to May 2008
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